The Problem-Solving Habit
Teenagers can get used to sizing up a problem and coming up with common-sense
ways to solve it. Here's a six-step method that works and can be done easily
at home by parent and child.
STEP 1: What is the problem?
This is a first, often overlooked, step in problem solving. You have to
be able to state the problem and, if there's a conflict, the opposing views.
For example: For a teen, it might be whether to go to a certain party;
for a parent, whether to ask for a raise.
STEP 2: What can be done about it?
This is when you come up with a variety of solutions. Brainstorm as many
solutions as possible without judging which ones are better than others.
Just keep the ideas coming.
STEP 3: What are the good and bad points of these solutions?
This is when you judge the different solutions. What are the pros and cons
of each one? You're making judgements, assessing the possible solutions
in light of your experience and the way the world works. And in this process
you may well come up with a new and better solution than any you originally
thought of.
STEP 4: Making the decision
This is the moment you choose a solution to try. Pick one or perhaps two
based on the decisions made in Step 3. Talk about why you selected these
solutions.
STEP 5: Putting the decision into action
Now you put your decision to the test. In advance, talk about what will
happen and what might be expected. What obstacles can you anticipate? What
helps can you expect? How can traps be avoided by building on the helps?
STEP 6: How did it go?
This is the follow up, the evaluation of your solution. How did it work?
What changes must be made in it so that it will work better? What would
you try next time? It's possible that a decision that sounded good will
not work as well in real life. Overall, there is a greater chance for success
when decisions and solutions are selected in this way.
After going through the process with one problem, ask your teenager
to try another. Review the six steps so that everyone will be able to keep
on using them afterward. The goal is to help teens get into the habit of
this kind of problems solving.
The Problem "Bank"
Just in case you don't have enough problems of your own to solve, here
are a few you can use to practice the problem-solving method:
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Who gets to use the car?
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Why is it bad to smoke?
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When does the garbage get taken out?
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What happens when I go for a few days with little sleep?
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How much TV are we going to watch?
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How much money do I need this week?
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Can I buy that new pair of jeans?
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Whose turn is it to go grocery shopping?
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Who has to baby sit the younger kids?
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When is a good time to visit grandma?
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What happens when I take a test without studying for it?
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Why can't I go to that after-school party?
Feelings Are Important: Getting Control of Our Emotions
Here's a KNOW YOURSELF activity: Think together, for example, about what
makes people angry. Everyone gets angry for different reasons. Some people
get angry when others take something from them; others get angry when people
don't listen.
Ask yourselves: What do we do when we get angry? Some people try
to cool off before they speak. Others start fights. Some people scream.
Some people don't say anything. What do you do?
Caring about others is another area teens can often use help with.
Talk together about the problems of being a parent, the problems of being
a student. Think about a time when you disagreed with each other. Exchange
places; the parent is the youngster, the youngster the parent. Afterward,
talk about it. Do you understand each other better now?
Common Sense: Not So Common
The basic ingredient in common sense is experience--good and bad. This
gets put into the storehouse of our minds, to be used when the time is
right. Common sense is not a sense we are born with. These activities help
give teenagers practice in problem-solving experiences that are the basis
of common sense.
Take a little time to do a lot of good!
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