When parents or teachers speak to me about a behaviour management or behaviour modification program, they are generally thinking about controlling the child or stopping him or her from performing certain inappropriate behaviours. 

They have usually spent a great deal of time and energy trying to manage the child so that inappropriate behaviouurs will not occur. They may have succeeded in stopping certain behaviors by using either incentives or consequences much like making a dog salivate when a bell rings. However, they are usually frustrated because these inappropriate behaviors are not automatically replaced by appropriate behaviors.

Parents and teachers get frustrated when they're "sure" that the child knows how to act appropriately, but doesn't. And, it's especially frustrating when the child insists that they were acting appropriately. But it makes sense to me that before we can say with any certainty that the child is being defiant or oppositional, we need to know why (or why isn't) the behavior occuring. It doesn't matter if we're dealing with children or adults. 

Understanding the "why" behind the behavior is especially important for the individual who is impulsive and/or inattentive. 
To affect change, you need to accept that they really may not know the appropriate behavior for a particular situation. Or, they may "intellectually" know the appropriate behavior but don't know how to perform it in a suitable or acceptable manner.

The first thing you need to do is to involve the child. If an inappropriate behavior occurs ask them what they think happened or why did everyone respond the way they did. Listen to the answer. You may be able to show them a cause and effect situation and offer them other ways to react. Individuals with AD/HD rarely notice the affect they have on others. 

Do a mini-behavioral analysis to uncover some ways to change inappropriate behavior and replace it with appropriate behavior. 
              Follow these steps

1 - What is THE BEHAVIOR that you want to change?

Example - Your child argues and screams whenever you want him/her to turn off the television.

2 - What is THE SITUATION before THE BEHAVIOR occurs?

The child has been sitting quietly and intently watching television for the past four hours.

3 - Describe THE BEHAVIOR ?

The child first ignores the parent. This makes the parent angry. The child starts to argue with the parent which escalates rapidly to screaming, crying and acting out.

4 - What is THE OCCURANCE that caused this behavior?

The parent requested that the television be turned off. When the child appeared to ignore the parent, the parent repeats the request. The parent, who is now getting angry, walks over and turns off the television. The child then turns on the television and starts to argue with the parent. The parent gives in, but then wants the television off in a short while.

5. What behavior resulted after THE OCCURANCE?

The child argues some more and then starts screaming (THE BEHAVIOR).

6 - What happened after the child displayed THE BEHAVIOR? (THE AFTER BEHAVIOR)?

The parent started screaming back and things continued to escalate. THE BEHAVIOR continued until the parent forced the child into their room. The next day it started all over again.

NOW IT'S YOUR WORK!

6 - What can be changed either before (THE SITUATION), during (THE OCCURANCE) or after (THE AFTER BEHAVIOR) the behavior (THE BEHAVIOR) occurs to make a change?

(VERY) IMPORTANT THINGS TO KNOW 
WHEN DEALING WITH AN ADHD CHILD

1.     Understand their brain

2.     Be aware of your differences

3.     Know the rules of the house

4.     Get rid of the words "smart" & "stupid"

5.     Make sure they know they can fail

6.     Increase their connectiveness

7.     Listen to them

8.     Don't assume they understand what you are saying

9.     Give them freedom to be creative

10.  Don't tell them to "just pay attention"

11.  Keep directions short

12.  Be very clear