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DOES
YOUR CHILD EXHIBIT
"OPPOSITIONAL
BEHAVIOR"? If he/she does ask
yourself:
Do all of
you have a clear understanding which behaviors are
not acceptable?
Are the
consequences of exhibiting the inappropriate
behavior understood by everyone?
Are the
consequences (both rewards and punishments)
important enough to make a difference?
Do you
consistently and immediately deliver both rewards
and punishments?
Are you
and your spouse consistent?
Are you
trying to modify too many behaviors at the same
time?
In
order to successfully implement a behavior program,
you
need to know what and where the
roadblocks
are.
These
are some "Roadblocks to
Success"
Manipulation
or the "But Mom says.....".
As often as possible
before a final decision is made, discuss the
matter with your spouse. Support one another when
a decision is made. When parents disagree,
especially when it involves discipline, respect,
schoolwork, etc., you are creating a child who
will become defiant and oppositional! After all,
why should he/she do anything when they know they
can play one parent against the other.
Fear
of Letting Go or the "What if..."
Always ask yourself
"What is the worst thing that could
happen
and how likely is
it to happen?" You need to develop faith
since fear is the absence of faith. What will
be will be!
- Giving
Unwanted or Unsolicited Advice
- (especially
for teens)
Always ask for
permission first or you will hit a
wall.
Talking
Too Much
Use as few words as
possible or you will draw attention away from
the misbehavior. Remember "NO" is a
complete sentence!
Dwelling
on the Past
If past mistakes
must be raised, they should be discussed only
in terms of finding a solution.
Escape
Techniques to Avoid Requests
or
the "But I don't want to..."
This is done
because it works. Don't do the task they are
supposed to do. Remember you are the parent.
You can listen to them (for a minute or two),
but it really doesn't matter what they
want.
- Positive
Reinforcement of Negative Behavior or
- "Having
The Last Word"
Arguing is
stimulating. It's like adding fuel to fire.
You can't win.
So say "I
refuse to argue with you. When you are ready
to discuss this without arguing, let me
know." Lock yourself in
the bathroom. But remember, once you've
stopped, don't start up again or you've just
taught them that they have to argue even more
to ge your attention!
The
Consequences for Misbehavior
Need
To Be Effective !!!
Consequences:
- must have a set beginning and end
- must
be delivered in a matter-of-fact
manner
- must
be delivered every time the
misbehavior occurs
You must
prevent the escape or avoidance of the
consequences
ALWAYS
FOLLOW THROUGH
Children
need the stability of knowing what to
expect - if there are no consequences,
not only did they not follow through -
you didn't either!
GENTLE
REMINDERS
If
they don't keep up their end of the
bargain - remind them - don't lecture or
nag.
WHOSE
RESPONSIBILITY IS IT?
We
should not do things for them that they
can do themselves -- this includes
getting up in the morning!
For
your sanity remember
Always take care
of yourself
Don't get caught
in the bad parent vs good parent
scenario
Take one day at a
time
Evaluate each day
Don't try to be
perfect
Set realistic
expectations
Remember to
breathe
Listen to your
self-talk
Information on S.I.B.S.
(the Structured Incentive Behavioral System for
School and Home) will be available
soon. E-mail us to be notified when it is
available.
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